The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
