I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
