false alarm. still invincible.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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