She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
