Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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