he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
