We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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