He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
