you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
