If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
