I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
