He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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