69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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