Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
