I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
