I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize