Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
