Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
