i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
