so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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