yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
