Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
