mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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