Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
