dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I woke up under a house in Key West
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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