I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
