he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
