Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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