I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
