So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
