I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
