I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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