She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
