Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
lets start a swedish sibling band together
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
