I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
