Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
