Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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