paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
