I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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