Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
