she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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