if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize