Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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