"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They took my balls.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
