You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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