Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
