Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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