the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
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Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
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I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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