he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
