Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
