Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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