I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
