I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
