Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am one with the molecules
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
