We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
