Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
