I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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