why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
