porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
