In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize