the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
