I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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